Married people need to step it up. I can count on two hands, out of
the hundreds of marriages I've seen growing up, that I actually think
seem genuinely happy to still be together. I'm frustrated. Frustrated at
all the married people who seem to just talk about the hardships in
their marriages. Why am I warned constantly about marriage? Why am I
always being told the things you have to be careful with in marriage,
and NEVER the things to be excited about? Though it’s important to
prepare young people for that commitment, when did our society go to the opposite extreme? Where's
the balance of solid understanding and preparation and also excitement and
tenderness? I hear people often talk about how they could never
picture themselves getting married. Not after what they’ve seen. Even I,
someone who tries to put great confidence in an everlasting romance and
marriage, have been wondering if it's possible for something to exist
between two people.
The young people of this generation are not blind. They notice the
lack of sparkle in a married couple's eyes. they observe the fighting.
They hear the harsh, demeaning words. They take note of the lack of
beauty, tenderness, and romance. They see the divorce papers. Very few
have seen a marriage that would cause them to say, "When I get married, I
want my marriage to be exactly like that!" Today's generation
typically feels that it's a waste of time to invest in a future love
story because the idea of lasting love seems so distant and farfetched.
They don't wait around for long-term relationships; they live in a world
of temporary flings and one-night stands. I read about a poll the other
day that was taken among the younger generation, asking what their
greatest desire in life was. At the top of the list, most said it was
the desire to be married to one person for a lifetime. But when asked if
they really believed that kind of lasting love was possible, a huge
majority of the people said no. It's no longer enough to tell young
people they should wait for something better. They first need to believe
that something better really exists.
My favorite marriages are the ones where the two are obviously pals.
What do I mean by pals? It means you just love to talk about the same
stuff, do activities, and joke around - you get each other. I read about
an old couple once who said they both loved gardening. They said they
could talk about tulips for hours. They will spend entire days together
talking nonstop about rhododendrons and Happy Days, share a milkshake
and then go to bed. they're total pals. I don’t want to hear about the
endless struggle to keep sex exciting. Or the work it takes to plan a
date night and find a babysitter. Or how the other said something offensive so you’ll just
give them the silent treatment until they figure it out. I want to hear
that you guys watch every episode of Glee or How I Met Your Mother together, or that one got the other hooked on Game of Thrones
and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want
to see you guys high-five each other like teammates when just playing a board game. I want to hear about it because I know
it’s possible, and I want it for myself. What happened to being pals?
I’m not complaining about romance being dead – I just talked about a
marriage based on talking about gardening, a TV show,
and drinking milkshakes. Not exactly rose petals and gazing into each
other’s eyes on a french canal. And I’m not saying marriage
is or should be easy. I'm not that naive. But I see so many get so gloomy and worked up about
it these days. Marriage might be work, but you might as well pick work
you like, at least that’s what I’m always told. Married people, it’s up
to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking
institution afloat. It’s a stately ship, and a lot of people want to get
on board, even if it’s years from now. Please be excited, and convey
that excitedness to us. And always remember there are many many people
who are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of a
Shakespearian play, wearing a wreath of flowers in your hair. You’re the
end of a romantic comedy where the people are just great pals who can’t
wait to hang out everyday. You are Jesus Chrsit, coming back for his
bride (the church), wooing and protecting her. The rest of us are just
little side characters who, you should know, are always watching you,
wondering if it will still be worth it later.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits
to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant
church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and
blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their
own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever
hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as
Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am
talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must
love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband." - Ephesians 5:22-33
Much of this may sound juvenile and silly, but I have a genuine (and I
think very accurate) concern for my generation. I also don't meen to
sound offensive or ungracious. I'm merely pointing out what I think my
generation is seeing. I want to hear everyone else's opinions.
