Today, I think I’m beautiful. It won’t last for a few days, it won’t last till tomorrow, it might not even last till tonight or the end of this essay, but right now I know I have value. The purplish blue shadows under my eyes hold value. The acne scars on my forehead, nose, and chin – they have value. The tiny stretch marks on my skin, the split ends in my hair, the imperfect curve of my body – they all have value. The extra pounds I don’t want, the bitten nails I cannot fix. Today I’m finding beauty in my imperfections. The raw, the real, the honest. If you know me, I will always preach about honesty, but if you know me well, it is only because I am not very honest. What we value most is usually what we do not have and seek to gain. When I see myself, I can only see what I would fix. Thicker lashes, greener eyes, a more slender body, straighter teeth, less acne. This is the same with what we feel on the inside. The emotional hang ups, insecurities, hateful thoughts – the demons you cant seem to shake. So many things I wish to change. When I see others, I see what they have that I wish to possess. I’ve met many people who think I’m perfect. The girls I’ve mentored, a few friends I’ve had, some of the boys who have sought my affection. I can see it when they look at me, or just when they merely state that they believe I am perfect. That there is nothing they would change. But I am imperfect, so I let people down and their false version of me shatters, and we are both cut by the shards. When this happens, some people stay and love the scarred being just as much as the seemingly perfect one. Many times they love me more. This time I know its real. But there have been the few who leave. Who are disappointed that the rock they stood upon ended up being a shard of glass. Why is it that the pain few leave often effects a person more than the love that many give? I feel every icy shard of an insult and the fiery burn of rejection. I never liked this characteristic of myself and always viewed it as a flaw. I often hope that every nick of pain would make me harder, like society has tried to tell me, but it just makes me all the more fragile. But I’ve realized, like many do during their course of life, that my biggest weakness has been my greatest strength. I find beauty in this simple truth. I hold beauty. Maybe not a fierce beauty like a super model. But many of us have beauty that is most startling when it is in its rawest form. The same way a desert or rainstorm has beauty. To us, there are attributes to these phenomenons that are undesirable. But they were made by a fiercely loving father and we are awed by them. I am thankful for these broken pieces. I am Thankful I am loved by the Lover of Scars.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Mirrored Images
Today, I think I’m beautiful. It won’t last for a few days, it won’t last till tomorrow, it might not even last till tonight or the end of this essay, but right now I know I have value. The purplish blue shadows under my eyes hold value. The acne scars on my forehead, nose, and chin – they have value. The tiny stretch marks on my skin, the split ends in my hair, the imperfect curve of my body – they all have value. The extra pounds I don’t want, the bitten nails I cannot fix. Today I’m finding beauty in my imperfections. The raw, the real, the honest. If you know me, I will always preach about honesty, but if you know me well, it is only because I am not very honest. What we value most is usually what we do not have and seek to gain. When I see myself, I can only see what I would fix. Thicker lashes, greener eyes, a more slender body, straighter teeth, less acne. This is the same with what we feel on the inside. The emotional hang ups, insecurities, hateful thoughts – the demons you cant seem to shake. So many things I wish to change. When I see others, I see what they have that I wish to possess. I’ve met many people who think I’m perfect. The girls I’ve mentored, a few friends I’ve had, some of the boys who have sought my affection. I can see it when they look at me, or just when they merely state that they believe I am perfect. That there is nothing they would change. But I am imperfect, so I let people down and their false version of me shatters, and we are both cut by the shards. When this happens, some people stay and love the scarred being just as much as the seemingly perfect one. Many times they love me more. This time I know its real. But there have been the few who leave. Who are disappointed that the rock they stood upon ended up being a shard of glass. Why is it that the pain few leave often effects a person more than the love that many give? I feel every icy shard of an insult and the fiery burn of rejection. I never liked this characteristic of myself and always viewed it as a flaw. I often hope that every nick of pain would make me harder, like society has tried to tell me, but it just makes me all the more fragile. But I’ve realized, like many do during their course of life, that my biggest weakness has been my greatest strength. I find beauty in this simple truth. I hold beauty. Maybe not a fierce beauty like a super model. But many of us have beauty that is most startling when it is in its rawest form. The same way a desert or rainstorm has beauty. To us, there are attributes to these phenomenons that are undesirable. But they were made by a fiercely loving father and we are awed by them. I am thankful for these broken pieces. I am Thankful I am loved by the Lover of Scars.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Married People, Please Step It Up
Married people need to step it up. I can count on two hands, out of
the hundreds of marriages I've seen growing up, that I actually think
seem genuinely happy to still be together. I'm frustrated. Frustrated at
all the married people who seem to just talk about the hardships in
their marriages. Why am I warned constantly about marriage? Why am I
always being told the things you have to be careful with in marriage,
and NEVER the things to be excited about? Though it’s important to
prepare young people for that commitment, when did our society go to the opposite extreme? Where's
the balance of solid understanding and preparation and also excitement and
tenderness? I hear people often talk about how they could never
picture themselves getting married. Not after what they’ve seen. Even I,
someone who tries to put great confidence in an everlasting romance and
marriage, have been wondering if it's possible for something to exist
between two people.
The young people of this generation are not blind. They notice the lack of sparkle in a married couple's eyes. they observe the fighting. They hear the harsh, demeaning words. They take note of the lack of beauty, tenderness, and romance. They see the divorce papers. Very few have seen a marriage that would cause them to say, "When I get married, I want my marriage to be exactly like that!" Today's generation typically feels that it's a waste of time to invest in a future love story because the idea of lasting love seems so distant and farfetched. They don't wait around for long-term relationships; they live in a world of temporary flings and one-night stands. I read about a poll the other day that was taken among the younger generation, asking what their greatest desire in life was. At the top of the list, most said it was the desire to be married to one person for a lifetime. But when asked if they really believed that kind of lasting love was possible, a huge majority of the people said no. It's no longer enough to tell young people they should wait for something better. They first need to believe that something better really exists.
My favorite marriages are the ones where the two are obviously pals. What do I mean by pals? It means you just love to talk about the same stuff, do activities, and joke around - you get each other. I read about an old couple once who said they both loved gardening. They said they could talk about tulips for hours. They will spend entire days together talking nonstop about rhododendrons and Happy Days, share a milkshake and then go to bed. they're total pals. I don’t want to hear about the endless struggle to keep sex exciting. Or the work it takes to plan a date night and find a babysitter. Or how the other said something offensive so you’ll just give them the silent treatment until they figure it out. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of Glee or How I Met Your Mother together, or that one got the other hooked on Game of Thrones and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates when just playing a board game. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and I want it for myself. What happened to being pals? I’m not complaining about romance being dead – I just talked about a marriage based on talking about gardening, a TV show, and drinking milkshakes. Not exactly rose petals and gazing into each other’s eyes on a french canal. And I’m not saying marriage is or should be easy. I'm not that naive. But I see so many get so gloomy and worked up about it these days. Marriage might be work, but you might as well pick work you like, at least that’s what I’m always told. Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It’s a stately ship, and a lot of people want to get on board, even if it’s years from now. Please be excited, and convey that excitedness to us. And always remember there are many many people who are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of a Shakespearian play, wearing a wreath of flowers in your hair. You’re the end of a romantic comedy where the people are just great pals who can’t wait to hang out everyday. You are Jesus Chrsit, coming back for his bride (the church), wooing and protecting her. The rest of us are just little side characters who, you should know, are always watching you, wondering if it will still be worth it later.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:22-33
Much of this may sound juvenile and silly, but I have a genuine (and I think very accurate) concern for my generation. I also don't meen to sound offensive or ungracious. I'm merely pointing out what I think my generation is seeing. I want to hear everyone else's opinions.
The young people of this generation are not blind. They notice the lack of sparkle in a married couple's eyes. they observe the fighting. They hear the harsh, demeaning words. They take note of the lack of beauty, tenderness, and romance. They see the divorce papers. Very few have seen a marriage that would cause them to say, "When I get married, I want my marriage to be exactly like that!" Today's generation typically feels that it's a waste of time to invest in a future love story because the idea of lasting love seems so distant and farfetched. They don't wait around for long-term relationships; they live in a world of temporary flings and one-night stands. I read about a poll the other day that was taken among the younger generation, asking what their greatest desire in life was. At the top of the list, most said it was the desire to be married to one person for a lifetime. But when asked if they really believed that kind of lasting love was possible, a huge majority of the people said no. It's no longer enough to tell young people they should wait for something better. They first need to believe that something better really exists.
My favorite marriages are the ones where the two are obviously pals. What do I mean by pals? It means you just love to talk about the same stuff, do activities, and joke around - you get each other. I read about an old couple once who said they both loved gardening. They said they could talk about tulips for hours. They will spend entire days together talking nonstop about rhododendrons and Happy Days, share a milkshake and then go to bed. they're total pals. I don’t want to hear about the endless struggle to keep sex exciting. Or the work it takes to plan a date night and find a babysitter. Or how the other said something offensive so you’ll just give them the silent treatment until they figure it out. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of Glee or How I Met Your Mother together, or that one got the other hooked on Game of Thrones and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates when just playing a board game. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and I want it for myself. What happened to being pals? I’m not complaining about romance being dead – I just talked about a marriage based on talking about gardening, a TV show, and drinking milkshakes. Not exactly rose petals and gazing into each other’s eyes on a french canal. And I’m not saying marriage is or should be easy. I'm not that naive. But I see so many get so gloomy and worked up about it these days. Marriage might be work, but you might as well pick work you like, at least that’s what I’m always told. Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It’s a stately ship, and a lot of people want to get on board, even if it’s years from now. Please be excited, and convey that excitedness to us. And always remember there are many many people who are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of a Shakespearian play, wearing a wreath of flowers in your hair. You’re the end of a romantic comedy where the people are just great pals who can’t wait to hang out everyday. You are Jesus Chrsit, coming back for his bride (the church), wooing and protecting her. The rest of us are just little side characters who, you should know, are always watching you, wondering if it will still be worth it later.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:22-33
Much of this may sound juvenile and silly, but I have a genuine (and I think very accurate) concern for my generation. I also don't meen to sound offensive or ungracious. I'm merely pointing out what I think my generation is seeing. I want to hear everyone else's opinions.
Friday, August 2, 2013
This is Not "I Am"
The more I learn about Christianity, the more I
realize I don't understand it. I've learned I don't understand anything
about the cross, or grace, or God's divine love. Throughout the years that I've lived in a Christian environment, I've learned words, but I have not learned their meanings or their depth. However, I've learned a
great deal about people in light of the gospel. I understand
brokenness, depravity, and loss, but mostly? Mostly I've learned about
loneliness. I'm starting to under stand why Jesus was called The Man of
Sorrows (Isaiah 53). I'm learning that connecting with your own inner
depravity might be the only way to ever touch even the most outer layer
of truth and redemption when it comes to the cross.
But
through all the things I'm learning, through all the confusion, all the
religion, dogma, disagreements, persecution, and sects, somewhere I
hear my Savior's voice crying out, "This is not who I am."
God refers to Himself as "I AM" in the Bible 719 times. 508 times in the Old Testament and 211 times in the New Testament.
Religious leaders, beggars, towns people, and prostitutes want to know who this God is, and who this man is who is said to be the song of God. Who is He? Is he a religion, a rebel, a king? Maybe. But mainly, He is "I AM." He just is. How is this not a glorious window into God's Character? I believe God is omniscient. He knew that the Bible and being a Christ follower would be perverted, and confused, and changed. He knew we would feel like we are fighting a losing battle. But he does not Lose. He does not change. He tells me to drop the religious nonsense, and follow Him. Follow Jesus, the homeless man, the man of no reputation, of no stature. I tell him I will. Then, through all the confusion and turmoil, He calmly whispers, "I AM." And I rest, because He is.
Lord, let me rest in Your simple truths. Amen.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Awake My Soul
Lord, when I asked that You would take this
heart and strip it of idols, I knew of the pain to come, but
underestimated it completely. You are remaking this broken vessel.
Please help me to learn to fully rest in You. My heart can’t be found in
the things of this world. God, like the puritans prayed, “bind my
wandering heart to Thee,” please capture mine. The lies that the enemy
feeds me are powerful, and I cannot hear You. Please help me to hear the
whisper above the storms. In a world where I feel alone and tired, You
are present. In a world that I run to instead of You, You are faithful.
Help me to find the Gospel. Awake my soul.
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